There’s a quote floating around that suggests,
“You shouldn’t expect much from others to avoid disappointment.”
This quote is true to a certain degree. Here’s why….
We often find ourselves disappointed in our friends, family, significant other, etc. when expectations we have for them aren’t met – and truth is, some of our expectations are just unrealistic.
When we’re in a relationship, our partner becomes our happy place — and for many of us, our friends and family are too. We have many memories and moments where we’ve experienced joy, bliss and happiness with them. Unconsciously, we may begin to rely on them to be our happiness and joy at all times.
When we start to experience feelings of emptiness or lack of fulfillment, we put the expectation to “fulfill” on those people and when they don’t meet the ‘mark’ it can become the introductory period of what we can consider to be “conflict”. Though this may typically happen in romantic relationships, it can and has happened in platonic relationships as well.
I just want us to take a moment to really think about what this means! Just imagine being responsible for someone’s ENTIRE happiness and fulfillment! Whew! That’s A LOT for one person to bear — especially for a human being who is imperfect.
So, here’s a few things we should consider in these sorts of moments where we find ourselves disappointed.
- Does my partner, friend, sister, co-worker, whomever – know what I need from them in this moment?
- Have I had a direct conversation with the person about what I need specifically?
- Are my expectations reasonable considering who the person is and the space THEY might be in, in this season of their lives?
- Is this a “me” thing or a “them” thing? Are you placing personal lack of fulfillment onto others to fulfill?
If you’ve answered ‘no’ for most or all of the above questions, then perhaps there are some things you should consider before placing your next expectation. I want to also be clear that, you’re allowed to STILL feel disappointed whether you’ve executed the above questions or not. But the mindfulness around the questions above can help us in how we perceive the disappointment and the person who caused it.
NOW, I also want to be clear that this does NOT mean we should not have expectations for the people in our lives. We should absolutely expect to be treated with respect and love by the people we respect and love. And if you’ve been clear in our expectations, we may even be justified in our disappointment. If this is the case for you, then a re-evaluation of that relationship may be your next step.
However, the main idea of this blog post isn’t to get people to figure out whether they are justified in their disappointment or not – it’s to highlight that we very often put people in high positions over our happiness, joy and fulfillment which should be expectations we only hold ourselves responsible for.
Oh! How freeing is it to be fulfilled without the dependency of someone else other than God?! Once we can accept that our partner, friend, or whomever may make us happy but aren’t capable of it every single day or that they’ll miss the mark at some point because they are human – we then take back power over our own joy and happiness and experiences fulfilled no matter what.